Breathe feel cry
by Not Just a Nerd
Summary: So she has settled into a kind of routine now- breathe, feel, cry. It helps ease the pain of not being able to get together with Derek. DASEY. One-shot. Casey centric.


**Disclaimer: I do not own LWD**

* * *

So Derek has met a new girl and asked her out on a date and she has instantly (she prefers to believe it was after much persuasion, because aren't intelligent girls supposed to be smart enough to stay away from Derek?) said yes. Big deal! This will end up being another girl in the never-ending list of girls Derek has dated just to prove that all girls want him (She wonders if he included her when he said 'all'. She is a girl, after all. Not that she wants him. Pssh.) It's not like this one will be any different, that this one will last. And even if it does, it's not like cares. Not one bit, honest.

Which is why she is wondering what the hell she is doing, standing in front of his open door, watching him get ready for the date. If he turns around and sees her, he'll make her life a living hell (not that he already hasn't) by teasing her about it and claiming that she cares about him. Lying is never her thing, but she can always tell him that she's observing him so that she can find the perfect insult for his clothes, hair, and his entire look. Which is exactly why she is doing. Yup.

"Casey, Casey, Casey." He hums, not even looking at her, just opening the drawer of his dresser, pulling out _that stupid thing_ and putting it inside his wallet, and she is not going to yell at him because she knows he is deliberately showing it off to get her all mad and preachy and feminist- she is just going to wait till her mother comes to clean his room, finds it and asks him questions. (She has a feeling that her mother and his father already know about this and overlook it because of the uselessness of trying to talk some sense into Derek). "I am getting ready for my date. I want everything to be perfect." He says in such a tone that she knows he is imitating her attitude when she prepares for a test. "I don't want you to go all Klutzilla on me and ruin everything."

She crosses her arms, smiles, taps her chin with her finger and acts like she is contemplating. "Hmm. I do need to get back at you for trying to sabotage my relation with Sam."

"I am so sorry that I wanted my best friend back." He says in a tone coated with deceptive amount of sugariness, and it makes her wonder if girls are indeed stupid human beings to fall for such a fake display of sweetness. "Please forgive me, Miss Male-Code Breaker." He scoffs, doing a last minute mirror check (and she thought girls were the only ones who cared about how they look) and finally walks past her through the doorway. "Peace." (That's the last thing that can ever happen between them…. Second last thing, actually).

She _**breathes**_ in the scent of his cologne, _**feels**_ her heart skip a beat, and suddenly wants to _**cry**_. This is so not how she is supposed to react! This was supposed to go all 'you are such a jerk Derek. I hate you for being blah blah blah yada yada yada DER-EK!'

* * *

So she has a dance practice on the day she promised Emily that they will go watch a movie, and she doesn't want to make her friend upset and needs a perfectly believable lie.

Which is exactly why she is in Derek's room, tolerating the mess around her and pretending like it doesn't hurt her eyes and brain.

"Derek, you've got to help me." she pleads, not locking eyes with him because she knows he is smirking in victory (and not because he has the best eyes ever and it kind of melts her heart). "You're the master of deceit. And I am… I…"

"The Goddess of Truth and Wisdom?" he asks, chuckling.

She lets out a dry laugh, giving him a look that has 'I wish you weren't my step-brother' (for all the platonic reasons of course) written all over it. "Can you go out with Emily on that day?"

He shakes his head in mock sadness. "I can't. I already have a date. My third date with that girl I told you about… she's pretty _good_."

She's willing to bet that Derek knows two comes between one and three, which makes her wonder what happened to their second date…

She _**breathes**_ in deeply (out of anger of not getting any help, she'd like to say), _**feels**_ some weird sort of hollowness in her heart (must be hopelessness?) and suddenly has this urge to _**cry**_. This is so not happening!

* * *

"You HAVE to help me." she pleads again the next day, feeling sad that she has finally faced the day when she has to contract her boundaries of self-respect.

He scoffs. "Why will I help you?"

She spends a few moments thinking over the things she can offer him, and finally settles for a different approach. "Because I am your sister?"

He scoffs again. "Step-sister." He corrects.

Yeah, like that makes any difference! So she doesn't have the same blood as him and doesn't share his last name. But she still has to spend (waste) her life with him till she can move out (or the parents throw him out). She still cannot go out with him, hold hands, kiss and all the other couply stuff. Not that she wants to. Because maybe that's not illegal or immoral, but that would be gross, low, cheap, because hello- it's _DEREK_!

"Yeah, that." She finally confirms, snapping out of the thoughts that she shouldn't have starting thinking about in the first time. "You should help me because I am your step-sister."

"Actually..." He lets that devious grin crawl into his face (what do the girls find so charming about it?). "That is why I SHOULDN'T help you."

She sighs, finally giving up, groaning in her mind, and runs back to her room. This is definitely not how she wanted thinks to work out!

* * *

She still needs to find a way to tell Emily that she can't go, and he still needs to find the perfect outfit for the date. So there's still time, right? (for what? She's kind of not sure).

She catches him sticking his chewing gum below their kitchen table (she has a feeling this is not the first time he did this), gets into an argument with him about how gross he is and how it is impossible to live with him in a decent manner, and threatens to tell her mother if he doesn't help her. He shrugs, not paying any heed to her threat, and she finally knows Derek is going to be no help. But that date thing is not why she suddenly feels disappointed, right? It has to be a side-effect of talking to an insensitive slacker like him…. isn't it?

* * *

She likes a calm, quiet, peaceful weekend, all by herself. (But let's face it, achieving that in the Macdonald-Venturi household is like finding life on Mars- probable, but not likely) and since the parents took the kids out and Derek is busy in his room watching movies (yeah, she can guess what kind of movie he is watching), she calls Emily over to her house and decides to watch a movie.

She finally tells her best friend about her dance practice and is relieved that she understands. The evening goes happily, the two girls dissolved in the chick flick.

Well, until Derek comes downstairs, perfectly dressed.

"And where are _you_ going?" she asks in an annoyed tone.

"And why do you care?" he retorts, mimicking her tone. (He should get some originality. Or a life at least.) "I am going out on my second date with that cute blonde chick." He announces proudly, winking at Emily and walking out. "Tell dad and Nora not to wait for me."

She hears the door shut behind her, _**breathes**_ in deeply, _**feels**_ her breath constrict her chest. Salty tears scorching her eyes tell her she really wants to _**cry**_. So this _is_ happening.

* * *

Sometimes when she is feeling all selfish and self-centered, she wishes George and Nora had never even met. She would have continued being a sensitive, artistic over-achiever, being the school's super keener, being the idealistic, independent, preppy, academically ambitious and honest girl.

Not that she isn't all of these now, because she still is. But now, she's also haunted with this stupid urge to stop being the mature, responsible, perfectly good child and cross a line.

But she knows that this move will rip her family apart, and she really loves her family. So she has settled into a kind of routine now- _**breathe, feel, cry. **_It helps ease the pain of not being able to get together with Derek.

-Finished

**

* * *

(A/N: first time writing a LWD fanfic. And I have seen only 3-4 episodes of it, but I did EXTENSIVE research before writing this. So it'd be great if you could review and send me some feedbacks! PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU LIKE THIS! I am worried that the characters might have gotten out of character :-s I want to know if I should continue writing for this fandom.)**


End file.
